The Best Place to Hide A Dead Body? Page 2 of Google.
What this means and why this is so funny: Page 1 SERP (Search Engine Result Page) sees roughly a whopping 95% of all traffic, leaving only around 5% who actually click to the 2nd page and select result there. The difference between the 10th result (most usually the bottom result on the 1st page) to the 11th(typically the top of the 2nd page) averages a 140% decrease!
Interesting fact: The very first organic result sees around 33% of overall search traffic in terms of clicks. Percent ranges decrease exponentially lower as you continue down the results – 2nd 17.6%, 7th 3.5% and the bottom seeing a mere 2.71%!
The Client Said We Want to Rank #1 by Tomorrow.
What this means and why this is so funny: Let’s nip this in the bud right here and now: It is IMPOSSIBLE for a website to go from nothing to #1 overnight. It takes SEO weeks, or months even, to make significant results happen. If a company makes this promise to you…RUN. FAST. If YOU are expecting this, then save yourself the heartache and let it soak in now: You will not go to the number one slot overnight. Not even if you paid me a million-trillion dollars. If you have that type of money, then I suggest purchasing Google and then you can do whatever you want. 🙂
Life of an SEO.
What this means and why this is so funny: This one is my personal favorite of the bunch. Ask any SEO, there is a solid love/hate relationship with Google. Yes, they are an innovative, amazing company that their users swear by. I myself am an avid Google user. Try being on the back-end though. You know, where the SEOs hang out. Well, let’s just say this joke is almost too much of an inside joke among SEOers. Let’s just put out the facts: Google has 58-90% of the market share when it comes to search engine traffic usage. The best quote I came across while researching this blog, “Nobody is doing Search Engine Optimization anymore. They are doing Google Search Optimization.” All Hail the Mighty Google.
SEO is Dead.
What this means and why this is so funny: SEO isn’t “dead.” It’s more advanced, complex, and consistently changing. The days of manipulating content on websites to boost rankings by simply stuffing the keywords you want to rank for, and buying links on any old spammy domain, are long gone. In fact, now thanks to Google’s (All Hail!) advanced algorithms (see #5), one can and WILL be punished severely if they catch you doing any of the spam tactics above.
Introducing Google’s New Update!
What this means and why this is so funny: ::Facepalm:: This is probably what gives us SEOs the biggest headache. Once we FINALLY have a grasp on the new changes/rules to algorithm updates Google (All Hail!) puts out, they release another update. Hummingbird. Penguin. Panda. Just when we finally think we can win the battle against it, they add another to the fight.
Spare a Link? So 1998.
What this means and why this is so funny: Facebook. Twitter. LinkedIn. YouTube (Ummm….Hello! Can we say Holderness Family?!) And all the other social media outlets available out there today that weren’t around just a short time ago. One would be silly to think it’s ok NOT to be a part of the social phenomenon. Links on social platforms lead to clicks on YOUR content. Clicks=Traffic. Need we say more? It’s not rocket science!
By Karyann Belisle, SEO Specialist, Walk West (formerly Greenroom Communications)